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Thursday, Nov. 20, 2003 - 7:41 p.m. besides, i guess i'll have to see how many people are actually coming to my thanksgiving dinner on sunday now. it seemed like everyone was gung ho about it. i don't know if it's the fact that i asked people to bring food to contribute or what...actually, i really don't care. i'm tired of worrying about is this person gonna show or is that person gonna show. i invited people. if the don't come, then oh well. no one has to worry about me inviting them to anything else. from now on, i'm not having anything else here. i hope everyone that comes has a nice time b/c it's the last thanksgiving meal anyone's getting here. i'm through w/ all the wishy washy people that say one thing then do another. and i know some of it has alot to do w/ certain people not coming. i don't care. you see, i'm having this, even if i have to do it by myself. seems that i do most things by myself anyway. this is nothing new. yep, and the thanksgiving thing is not the only thing that ends. ALL parties and gatherings at my place end as of this weekend, that's it. seriously, i've been doing things at my place for years. 9 times out of 10 i never ask anyone to do anything b/c i do everything myself. but it's odd, when you ask people to help you do something, all of a sudden, it's a big deal. well, that's fine. i'll get my neighbors to come, we'll have fun and drink copious amounts of wine and other things before passing out. and you know what? i certain other person is supposed to be coming, too. i'm not even going to count on that person coming either. i have a feeling this person will come up w/ an excuse at the last minute anyway. whatever. folks, that was my vent for the day. yep, not much of a vent, was it? right, b/c i have given up caring. i really have. i used to get so disappointed when things like this would happen b/c i cared so much that everything went off right. but now, screw it. if i focus more on myself rather than other people, then what they do won't phase me. seriously. i know that probably means that i'm becoming more of a selfish person, but i don't care anymore. you see, all my life i've been a selfless person putting everyone else's needs and wants before mine...always. and you know what the result of that was? i get stepped on and run over, constantly. taken advantage of like you don't know what...and on a regular basis from people i actually call my friends. no more, though. the kid is not letting it happen to her anymore. with that said, i think i'll have another glass of wine, get some grubb and go to nyp for some good ol alcohol and companionship. how you like them apples? |
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