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weddings=sadness for me Sunday, May. 05, 2002 - 2:31 a.m. i went to my cousin's wedding today. most poeople love weddings b/c it's a time of happiness and a bunch of other crap, blah, blah, blah. me, i hate them. i really do. why? until i find someone that i truly expect to share the rest of my life with, and i don't think i will, it just makes me feel down in the dumps. i cry at weddings sometimes, but it's not b/c i am happy. quite the contrary. i cry b/c i know i will never know that type of happiness. that's the way it has always been for me. happiness has become and emotion that likes to play peek-a-boo with me lately. i don't know why. just when i get all happy and content...BAM!...my emotions do a big fat 180 on me. i seriously hate it. you would think being at home with my family would help the matter, but it doesn't. quite the contrary. almost everyone in my family is happily married, so i see them and realize this is something i will never see. how depressing to, somehow, know deep down inside that you will die alone.

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