Now § Then § Profile § Contact § Mothership § Guestbook

revived Monday, May. 06, 2002 - 9:18 a.m. i feel revived. i guess that's what i should be feeling, considering i went to revival friday night. but it took the entire weekend for me to get to this point. you see, friday night, the preacher preached a message that related to me...but i wasn't feeling it. i was still in one of my moods. the saturday, the day of the wedding, was just horrible for me (see previous entry). but something happened yesterday during homecoming. it was like something inside me of me told me to sit still and listen b/c this was for me. you know what? i did just that. i felt like that sermon was done especially for me. it was like he was talking to me and no one else. see, at my church, we don't the 'hellfire and damnation' thing. the only time you should ever look down on a person is when you are helping them up. that's how we were taught. anyway, i learned a lot from that sermon. i really did. i'll share it with you. i learned that i cannot take on the weight of the world by myself. i can't do it all. and anytime it gets too much for me to bare...i just say a little prayer and give to the Lord. the thing that has been getting me down for the past month or so is that i listen to my friends problems and try to come up with a solution for them. i worry about their problems for them. it's not my place. my problems are always put on the back burner. then when my problems get too much to handle, that's when i remember them, but they are so overwhelming, or so i think, that i just break. but i forgot something my mom always says. the Lord won't give me anything that i cannot handle. i realized that yesterday during the homecoming service. all the crap i have been worrying with and dealing with...it's for naught. and why has all this been getting to me for the past month? b/c i have been feeling empty. i lost something, or i thought i did, that i never should have let go. i have always been a spiritual person. i don't do everything right, hell, half the time i don't think i am doing anything right, but i try....and i always have a bond with me and my higher power. that's what i have been missing. if no one else understands what i am talking about, i know vieraskieli does. she once asked me had i prayed about my problems. i said i did, but i guess i really didn't. my mom always says when you pray about something, give it to the Lord and let him keep it. it's his then. don't take it back, that's what too many of us do and that's why we are always worrying about something. give it to Him and leave it be. i did that yesterday....and i am going to continue to do that. it's not gonna be easy, i know. jezebel of all people can tell you i am the worst at asking for help or giving my problems over, but i know i can do it. i am no longer empty inside. if you only knew how happy that makes me now....... now i am not a bible beating christian. far from it. i say to each his or her own. i cannot and will not judge or condemn someone for what they do. never have, never will. accept people for who they are and don't try to change them. whatever makes you happy. no one is perfect. i live in a glass house, so why would i throw stones? but you know what? i will invite anyone in my little glass house whether they want to throw stones or not. i am happy now. i feel better......i can once again say i have love inside and that feels good.

need more? ♠
happy kwanzaa
good holiday cheer filled w/ love for family
i finally got the car!
let's get in the christmast spirit!
goodbye to the old and on w/ the new...my precious microwave