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2001-11-07 - 8:48 a.m. last night when i got home, i had messages from kamilah and darnell. long story short, they are both stupid and are trying to pull me into the stupidity. keep in mind that is the first thing i get when i come home yesterday. i have been stressed because of an exam, i have been at work all day, i am tired and want sleep, but i still have things to do at home and the first think i hear when i get in the door is listen to the answering machine because kamilah and darnell are having problems! WHO THE FUCK CARES? i say she brought it all on herself. the exact same thing happened with kofi when she dated him. she knew darnell wasn't thinking about her anyway and she calls me crying? no sympathy here, sistah girl. was i mean to her? yes, did i help her get her stuff from darnell's house? yes. i do not tell people what to do, i give them advice, but if you push me so far and act like a fucking 3 year old, hell yeah, i'll tell you what to do, which is what she wanted all along. i can only take so much. why did i end up in the middle of something anyway? as far as i am concerned, i don't want to hear those two names linked together ever again. now we get to me having to do my hair. i still haven't finished. i would have gotten farther than i did last night if it wasn't for kamilah. will i ever get my hair done? who knows. it really needs to be done, but damn, when am i supposed to have time to do it? especially if i am not left alone. sometimes i feel like my friends are too needy. i always HAVE to be there or the world will end. i need to get away. now i realize why i was hibernating in my apartment for so long. it's not easy not being around people for a while then being thrust out there like PLADOW! i do not like it. so yeah, i feel like crap now and i think i am going home at noon. i am not talking to anyone when i go home, i am just going to rest. that will also give me time to finish my hair, which really needs to be done. i asked my boss off for tomorrow and he will probably give it to me. so i am planning tomorrow...no, re-planning tomorrow. i had plans for tomorrow night, but i am cancelling them. know what i am going to do? nothing. that's right and i am happy about it. cheryl and i usually go through periods where we just do not talk to each other. i have talked to her everyday for a month, if not longer. i am not used to doing that, so i think i am going to lock myself away in my room and blow up the outside world. i really am. i need some 'me' time and i haven't had that in a while. just me and 311. i think i might even program my ringer off on my phone.....well, during the day, at least. i just need to get away from life right now. i will leave cheryl a not saying 'buffy til friday.' she will understand. i think i will just explain the situation, via paper, to her and she will get the hint. yes, that sounds like a great plan. on a lighter note, i saw the musical buffy last night and it was so good. i loved it. i really did. they sang and i laughed so hard, oh did i laugh. then, the last good thign that happened, was when i saw the new 311 video for 'i'll be here a while.' i fell in love with it. i popped in 'from chaos' as soon as i heard the final chords to that song on the mtv2 and that is what has been in my cd player. i need to get dmx's cd this weekend. just the name of the cd is pulling me to it: the great depression. i am so feeling that now. i need an outlet. plus the ron drama is going on in my head. yeah, that is always there. i think, if i have gotten over my irritability, i will call ron to come over. not to talk, only to compound what is already there. i don't want to talk anymore. i don't want to hear anyone else's voice. as robin s said in her song, actions speak louder than words. ain't that the truth. |
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