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i need another outlet for my frustration
2001-11-06 - 3:55 p.m.
okay, why has my back popped like 5 times today? that only intensifies the fact that i need to be paging a certain person tonight...well, if i don't fall asleep first. i know i will have certain ones calling my apartment after reading this wondering what i am thinking, but i cannot help it. the boy in question, ron, can be sweet at times, i will admit. i will be the first to tell you that he is selfish as all i don't know what.....but i care about him and there is no way of getting around it. do i tell him of this? i do not know. if i do, i fear it will be that much harder to get away from him when i need to. so who's to say i will need to get away from him? who's to say he's not the one? i don't know. so i play it safe....for now. as surinder says, who knows what the future will bring. with surinder, it was easy for me to answer that question because i knew the future did not involve myself and him in any way, shape, form or fashion, but as for ron? i don't know. what do you do when you just can't get someone out of your mind? his birthday is saturday. he will be 25, same as me. no, i am not thinking of getting him anything, but i am thinking of him. that's the key word, think. i vowed to myself that i was not going to think anymore today....and i am going to stick to it. therefore....no matter how hard it is for me to say this....i am not paging the boy tonight. i would have to think about it too much. that and the fact that i am scared of the outcome. so, no massage for me and not satisfaction. i will come to work tomorrow tense and jittery. i have got to find another outlet for my frustration! |
