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2001-08-20 - 5:50 p.m. i am so tired and sleepy now, but i have so much to do. i have to do laundry. of course, when i checked earlier, there were washers free, but when i go back with all my laundry, all are full. i was pissed, you better believe it, buddy, but now i am just like, whatever. at least i am in a air conditioned apartment where i can control the temperature and listen to as much 311 and incubus as i want to. i am supposed to go to my friend's parent's tomorrow night. i am still debating whether or not i am going. i really don't want to. i just want to stay here and chill. i need it, i really do. he wants me to eat halibut, guess that's how you spell that fish, but i don't think so. i am very choicy when it comes to food and i see now reason to stop doing that. i have talked with different people today and most people keep going back to my birthday. why does every conversation have to end up there? i mean, really. yes, i will be 25, i am coming to terms with that, but gosh, why does everyone have to bring it up? two of my roommates friends are getting me something. i have no idea what it is or why they are even getting me anything. i mean, yeah, it's nice of them, but i don't hang out with them or anything. yeah, i am nice to them when they come over, but then again, i am not going to be mean to someone when they come over. i guess i am just a little uneasy over so many people making such a big deal about my birthday. i was told today by one of my friends that it's because when everyone else has a birthday or something i always make sure everyone knows about it and i throw a party and i never ask for much help doing it. i never even thought about that. but still, when i do that, i do it because i want to and i can afford it. i never expect anything in return. i try to make sure that everything goes as well as possible. i also like to do surprise parties. they are my favorite, but i tend to get way too stressed. anyway, back to the subject, i am still not down with everyone making such a big deal over this birthday thing. i think it has more to do with the fact that i am not looking forward to 25 at all. my original plan was to stay in my apartment all day and not come out for anything. i am not going to work that day or the day after. just thinking about it now is just making me feel ill, you know. i never thought past age 21. it seems as i get older, the birthdays just get worse, so i try to ignore them or act as if they aren't there. my parent's might have a cookout the weekend after my birthday. if they do, i will, of course, invite all my friends because they all want to meet my parents, but mostly, eat my dad's cooking. that will be the only thing i look forward to. other than that........nothing. i think i have depressed myself and that is so sad. i now have a headache and a sad face. this sucks! |
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