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i think i am adopted sometimes 2001-08-06 - 4:51 p.m. yeah, i got home early today. my brother came to g'boro to get his hair done and to bring me things i had left at home. how about he asked me for my key to the apartment so he could do something to his hair, wash it or something. i told him i got off at 4:40p.m. some make sure i had my key before then. he got there at exactly 4:40p.m. i was not happy about that at all. all afternoon i was so scared that something would happen and he wouldn't bring my key back to me. if things don't go the way i think they should, or if someone deviates from the plan, i get fidgety and, yes, i was fidgety all afternoon. i know i am obssessive compulsive, but you know what? i am perfectly okay with that. sometimes i really wonder if he or myself were adopted. there is no way in hell we can be from the same gene pool, i think. i did my hair differently. yes, i braided it over the weekend, but i wore it up in two balls on the side of my head. all day long i have had people coming up to me and telling me i either look like the chick from star wars, or minnie mouse. i know what the chick's name is, but i do not know how to spell it, princess layah or something or other. you get the picture. some crack head woman on the street this morning scared me because she started talking to me. then i realized she was complimenting me on my hair. i was like, yeah, i have the new fashion going on at jp. go me. well, cheryl is leaving wednesday for her anime convention. i will be here the rest of the week, but i have a feeling i will not be lonely. i think i am supposed to do something with ricky next this weekend. no one has any money or anything to do, so we will just hang at someone's apartment and chill. any alcohol bought will not be purchased by me, that is all i know. hopefull i will get my tax check next week. that will really make me happy. it will make my checking account very happy as well. i think i might just put some money in my savings account at work. whatever i do, i need to go to the optometrist so i can get new glasses. then i need to get my license renewed. just what i have really been looking forward to, right. ricky told me that i need sex now. i don't know if i agree with him. let's see, i haven't had sex in 5 months, but i don't feel as if i need to. now, sometimes i do get the urge, but more than not, i am fine. really, i am. i do a lot of talk, but, again, i am fine. i think it's because before i was expected to do it all the time and after a while, you get tired of it. i never thought i would ever say that. i rememeber saying 'i'm too tired' for the first time. that shocked the hell out of me. that's when i kinda realized the world does not revolve around sex. i can do it when i want to and i don't have to be pressured about it. before, i was always worried about something, you know. you get tired of worrying about if you are pregnant or not. yeah, i use condoms like they are going out of style now, but wasn't always like that. i was fortunate, not everyone can say that. i got off easy, you could say. i am tired of talking about sex now. in fact, i think i am hungry. i have a cigarette and a piece of cake. hmmm, i think if i smoke the cigarette, i will not feel like eating the cake and can save that for later. god, i am so smart it just kills me sometimes. okay, until later.

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