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not ron again!
2001-07-29 - 3:22 p.m.
oh my god is all i can say at this moment. i just woke up like 5 mintues ago and i think most of my hangover is gone. things have gone crazy in my life just from the time that i finished writing my last entry yesterday. i just do not understand it. okay, i was going to take a nap after i got back from the zoo yesterday before i went to ricky's to celebrate his mom's birthday some more. my phone rant while i was in the bathroom and i couldn't hear who it was on the answering machine. all i could hear was my name and it sounded like someone who knew me. i ran to pick up the phone and regretted it as soon as i realized who it was. it was....my ex-boyfriend, ron. i was like, why is he calling me? he hasn't contacted me all summer, he was doing so well with that, why now? then i found out. he has been away at 4-h camp, don't laugh. i was just like, damn. he started talking and he was telling me his great uncle died, but i don't think he really knew him at all because it was his stepfather's uncle. i think that was an excuse to call me. he also told me that his girlfriend at camp broke up with him. okay, they were both counselors, better? i was like, that's sad, but i couldn't take it when he started crying on the phone. that's the one thing i cannot deal with, a man crying, especially a black man. that's my weakness and, unfortunately, ron knows this. he's going on and on and apologizing for anything he did wrong or did to upset me while we were together and i was like, okay, whatever, i don't even think about it anymore, you know, unless i find someone like him and i am like, god, i will never date another person like him again. well, he's crying and everything and he asks could he come over and talk because he really needs someone to talk to and he doesn't have anyone and blah, blah, blah. i said fine, but i told him i was leaving in about 30 to 45 minutes. he came over and we talked for a bit. my roommate and our friend came over later and immediately started laughing when they saw him coming out of my apartment. we were going to smoke a cigarette. let me just say that on the way outside, he was going to ask me to have sex with him, i know he was. i heard "kim, i was just wondering, because i needed to be close to someone tonight, to you....could we...i mean....would it be alright if..." i acted as thought i didn't hear him and he as like, nevermind, you won't go for it, and i was like, okay. he tried so hard to go wherever i was going last night. i love cheryl so much, you just don't know. she didn't want to do it, but she asked ron did he want to go drinking with her. kamilah had a hissy fit, but cheryl felt my feelings were more important than kamilah's fun. i was happy. ricky was over here too waiting for me to get rid of ron. i just couldn't make him cry. he really didn't want to go with cheryl, he said,"well, cheryl i am going with kim tonight." i told him he hadn't spent any time with cheryl and they needed to talk, then i left. when i got to ricky's apartment, i immediately started drinking...okay, i started drinking before i even left my apartment. it was entirely too much for me in one night. i just couldn't take it. i did have fun at ricky's with his mom. all of us in that little clique came over and we drank. i think i drank the most. i, pretty much, drank 6 beers and i have never drank that much before in one night. my tolerance has risen greatly, but i was still drunk off my ass. it felt so good. i was so in another world and i loved it because it made me forget all about ron. i was in heaven. i even told ricky's mom about the situation and she, i love this woman so much, told me not to let her get near him because she was going to take him out with a .22. the thing is, i know she would do it. this is why when i got home around 1:30a.m., i didn't tell her that he was still here. ricky and i just looked at each other and i said, damn. i open the door to the apartment and realize that cheryl is in the livingroom watching anime and i couldn't find ron, which scared me. keep in mind i was drunk off my ass and could barely stand straight (i have been this way a total of 3, maybe 4 times in my life because i cannot stand not being in control). cheryl says to me "he is in my room on the internet. just go to your room and don't look back. you are NOT sleeping with him tonight!" i was like, i know, i know, i am not sleeping with him ever again. i just needed her to distract him so i could get to my room. there is not way i could get to my room and him not see me if she didn't help me, so she did. i went to my room, didn't take off my contacts or turn the light on. i just undressed and got into bed. i heard him talking to her, then i heard cheryl go back into the livingroom. i didn't think he would ever leave. i was so scared when i got up this morning because i thought cheryl would have let him spend the night. fortunatley, she didn't. hopefully, he will go back to 4-h camp today or something. this weekend has been way too wild. i will gladly go home next weekend with no complaint at all. it's just too much craziness going on here, way too much. i need a break. i need a drama free life....and right now, i need some food. |
