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my poor, poor baby Sunday, Mar. 02, 2003 - 2:22 p.m. well, let me give a brief update before i head back to my fair town of g'boro. a lot had happened....it may not seem like it, but it has. my little nephew came down here this weekend. he is so cute, i'm telling you. and so intelligent to be 11. i guess like other people, he's had to grow up a little faster. he hears and knows a lot more than people give him credit for. my mom talked to him and told him to go to school tomorrow and tell the teacher he wants to talk to a counselor. when he talks to the counselor, he is supposed to tell him/her everything that is going on. whatever is on his mind, no matter what it is. my nephew's aim is to be able to move back here w/ my parents. i think my mom has told him that he may be put in juvenile custody or something, but she told him it was up to him what he does. she's not going to push him to do anything he doesn't want to. he knows he is loved dearly here. every time he gets mad, he always talks about leaving or something, but he always comes back and apologizes later and says i love you and asks for a kiss. he doesn't feel loved in va. yesterday, he said 'i love you' and i responeded 'you better.' he started crying and got upset b/c that's what his mom tells him and he doesn't think she likes him, let alone loves him. i told him no matter what, i love him and i always will. it scares me that he is in this situation. my mom told me yesterday that he was talking about killing himself. when all that stuff went down w/ my sister a few weeks ago, he wanted to go get my father's gun and kill himself. that is something we don't want to happen. fortunately, he doesn't have access to it and my dad keeps the bullets hidden so no one but him knows where they are. they aren't even in the house. my little baby has a lot of hurt and anger inside him. he doesn't know what to do. he asked me could he come live w/ me. i told him it was best that he stays w/ grandma and granddaddy. my mom told me how he acted when my sister dropped him off at my mom's job. before the car even stopped he was out and ran all the way to my mom and just hugged her. then he came back to the car to get his stuff. when my mom got home, he jumped out of the car and ran inside yelling 'granddaddy, granddaddy!' then he ran and hugged my dad and wouldn't let go. then he had to look for my brother. after that, he said he could get his stuff out of the car. when my mom came to get me yesterday, he ran to my apartment and as soon as i opened the door, he just ran and hugged me so tight. he has a real anger problem that i hope will get fixed in the very near future. my parents are working w/ the lawyer from our church to see what can be done about getting my nephew. he told me that when he's at home, his mom only wants him there to be her slave. actually, she probably only wants him there b/c she gets money. and the thing that hurts him most of all...it was so hard for him to tell me this last night. he said it's private and his mom doesn't know he knows. he told me and i promised not to tell anyone. i told him i wouldn't. he told me his mom does internet porn. he cried when he told me...actually, he wrote it down for me and turned his back. then he told me to tell my mom. he said he didn't want it to come up in court. i made sure he told my mom everything. that little boy feels like he isn't loved. him mom called last night and my mom asked if he wanted to talk to her. he said no and turned his head into my chest. we were laying in the bed having our 'aunt/nephew' talk. i told him i was giving him my pager number, which was toll free and my phone number. i'm about to tell him how to make a collect call and he will be able get in contact w/ me whenever. well, i think we're about to leave soon. i'll write more on this later. i just pray that everything goes alright w/ him. as long as my little muchkin is safe, i'm fine.

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