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i am somebody's zenith of achievement
Tuesday, Nov. 19, 2002 - 2:46 p.m.
there is always something going on. always. ever had a situation where you're the the person everyone is compared to? yeah, i go that problem. a certain...person, who will remain nameless, called me yesterday to talk. i wasn't at my desk, but i got the message. he called again when i was here and i got home. i later learned that he also called me at home, as well. a few things were discussed, but it really got...sticky...when we were discussing his current girlfriend, i suppose. things were going right and everything was b/c this person wasn't like me. they didn't do this like i did, or they did this and i never did that. i cannot fix this problem, but i would like for there to be a quick fix to it. this is not the first time this person has called to tell me this. this has happened before. so i start thinking and finally only one thing came to mind. he can never find someone who does things the way i do except for me, but i'm not gonna be w/ him b/c i like me w/o him. it really hit me when he was telling me about he conversation he was having w/ his ex and used my name instead of hers. i was thinking in my head, 'oh god, i hope you didn't say that to her.' he told me he called me one night last week and wanted to come over, but...and then i interrupted him and told him, yeah, i remember b/c i didn't answer the phone. i am not stupid, people. any time a straight man calls your house after 11:00p.m. and he's not related to you or an emergency...that's a booty call. especially if it's after midnight. so i am trying to work w/ this boy, only on the phone. he doesn't really go out b/c his girlfriend is always afraid he is going to leave her, but she just told him she needed time. whatever that means. then i told him he could come hang out w/ me AND MY FRIENDS at the bar some time this week. look, i am not stupid. i refuse to have him calling me all hours of the night, so if he sees me when i am w/ other people, he gets his peaches fix AND my conscience is at ease b/c he's not worrying anymore. oddly enough, this boy tells me everything and when i say everything, i mean everything. if you only knew the stuff i have done for him in the past and the stuff that he has reveiled to me. i think there is only one person that i have been that open w/ and i KNOW she ain't saying nothing to anyone. i guess that's how...this person....feels about me. how do i manage to get myself into situations like this? i mean, first the werid foreign guy from a few years ago who, thank god, is now gone from this state. now this. a very special person told me yesterday, would be his zenith of achievement. every time he finds fault w/ another girl, he will be reminded of my perfectness. goodness knows i ain't perfect and if ther girls he is dealing w/ are worse than i am....well, all i have to say is DAMN! anybody got any advice on this? i mean, this guy is kinda my friend...well, not really, but i still care about what happens to him. but at the same time, i do not want to be w/ him. so complicated. trying to make everyone else happy and still maintain the little bit of sanity that i have left...we all know that ain't much. HELP! |
