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the right direction Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2002 - 12:31 p.m. last night when i got home, i did someting i haven't done in a long time...i wrote in my diary. not my diaryland diary, obviously, but my pen and paper diary. it seems i only write in it once a year or so. i think i NEEDED to write in it last night. normally, i write about 3 pages worth of stuff. last night i wrote about 9 or 10 pages worth of stuff. i felt a lot better after i finished. well, i wouldn't say better, drained is more like it. i didn't feel anything. so i just went to bed after that. yep, i went to bed at 7:00p.m. b/c there was nothing else to do. i know, pathetic. my friend dee called about 10:15p.m. and woke me up asking if i wanted to go to the bar. i said yeah b/c anytime i hang out with dee, i don't have to put on an act or be fake or anything...i can just be me, whoever that is. we just get drunk and go home. i know alcohol doesn't solve problems, but last night that's just what i needed. after 3 beers, he was buzzing and i was plastered (yes, only 3). it was bed time for me when i got home. when i hang out with dee, i don't have to deal with anything. like all my problems and stuff can be put on a back burner. in fact, we never talk about problems, never. we vent about stuff and then realize it's funny...but that could also be attributed to the alcohol, too. whatever, it felt good to just chill and have no responsibility. things in my life aren't fitting the way i want them to fit. they aren't doing what i want or need them to do. i have no idea how to fix it, i'm just going about life the only way i know how to. it ain't easy, but you do what you gotta do, right? hopefully, i will be lead in the right direction to make things turn out alright.

need more? ♠
happy kwanzaa
good holiday cheer filled w/ love for family
i finally got the car!
let's get in the christmast spirit!
goodbye to the old and on w/ the new...my precious microwave