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the numbness is spreading Thursday, Mar. 21, 2002 - 12:09 p.m. i just got back from the dentist. i absolutely hated it. all i got was a filling, well, two fillings, but again, there is always that burning smell of teeth being sanding away that i associate with the dentist. why? b/c it always happens. and the novacaine thing...i was beginning to think my dentist was a pro at this...until now. this has never happened to me before...but then again, i have never had a filling on my upper set of teeth either. the cavity was b/t two teeth towards the back. i knew the cavity was there for a while, but i never bothered to do anything about it. then after my crown, i decided to go ahead and get everything out of the way. he keeps making me come back every other week. i am so tired of the dentist. let's talk about what is bothering me the most now. my upper lip. yeah. he numbed really good, as usual, and i didn't feel a thing. everything was hunky dory, peachy keen, until i looked in the mirror...and smiled. it was then that i noticed it. only part of my upper lip would move. that seemed odd. i couldn't feel it or move it. everyone is always telling me that i have a beautiful smile and it lights up my face and how white my teeth are, blah, blah, blah. whatever. it doesn't matter anymore b/c i look like a freaking retard when i smile. i screamed. i couldn't look at myself in the mirror. i couldn't even put on lipstick or chapstick. when i smile, all the muscles the left side of my lip pull my lip over that way. the right side has abosolutely no control of what is going on. it's like half of my lip is paralyzed. now i am scared the numbness won't go away and i will be paralyzed forever. all i did was go get a filling. the last time i got a filling, when i was 8, the stupid dentist hit a nerve and it hurt like the dickens. now this! and i neglected to tell you about the most horrible part. i had my eyes closed throughout most of what was going on. when i opened my eyes, there is something weird screwed in between my teeth and there are clamps on my paralyzed lip. i felt like a freak. i was scared, but showed no fear until i got home. now i am freaking out. why is it that i went through a root canal and a crown with no problems; no pain whatsoever while i was in the dentist office and not once was i ever scared. now i get a filling and everything is falling apart. i am just noticing that my eye is getting numb. is this normal? this never happened to me before. my contact is rolling around in my eye. i want to cry right now. big fat real tears b/c i am scared. bit by bit the numbness moves. i want to know what is going on and if this is normal and if not, can it be fixed. call me a drama queen all you want, but i am really scared and...dammit, i am calling my mama. being sick on top of things does not help. fuck it, i am going home this weekend. i need mommy and daddy's loving care. they will make the scariness go away.

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