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2001-12-07 - 12:41 p.m. i know i cannot wait until tonight. it's kamilah's little birthday shindig at nyp. now, even if it wasn't her birthday shindig, i would still be at nyp. but why am i having it there? because i have decided that i am not having anymore parties at my apartment. why? because i am tired of being the only one cleaning up before and after parties, tired of having to shell out money for them, tired of having to contact everyone and remind them, tired of having to plan....just tired. you know, i have been throwing parties since i moved here in 1997, and some of them aren't even my parties. there has never been a party that i have been in charge of that i have spent less than $70.00. i cannot do it anymore. i am all down with little gatherings and spontaneously getting together at my place, but everyone is now going to be in charge of their own stuff. i can't do it anymore and i am worn out. so tonight, we go to nyp and i am going to drink, yes, drink, drink, drink. then i am going to walk back to my place and pass out...that is only if i am that tired or worn out. if not, the party will continue at my place, or whoever's place, it doesn't matter. i am just going to be happy. oh, and another thing, i am not paying for anybody's anything, i ain't fronting anybody either. yes, i am using my card, but no, everything will not be on my tab and people just give me money. i am making sure i have my own separate tab from the get go. i get fucked over too many times and i have learned my lesson. wow, i got all that out and i feel so much better. i have to find some time to do my hair and soon. i really do. it is starting to look scruffy and i don't do scruffy. besides, if i don't do it before i go home, my mom will say something to me about it. my mama don't play. she is the typical black mama...and i love her for it. so i am talking to jo-jo today about jason. then the conversation turns to my sister. how? i told him jason went to see my sister. how he found her, i don't know. then i mentioned something about my sister having a lesbian friend that is ALWAYS there. my mama don't like her, i have never met her and patrick, my brother, calls her a boy. i could care less. ricky agrees with jo-jo. agrees with him on what, you are wondering. my sister being a lesbian. i say she ain't. i am told the clues are all there. then i was like look, it's not fair. i have so many gay people in my family. i am the ONLY fag hag, for real. i thought my sister was one, but i later realized she wasn't. why am i always the lone one in the group? can i get at least one other fag hag? is that too much to ask for? did that sound like i was whining? i wasn't. well, kinda. i just got off the phone with my mom. my brother is supposed to be moving out next month into an apartment with some guy. my mom doesn't think this is a good idea. i think it's a good idea, but not with the person he is with. plus the fact that he needs a job before he moves out...but he doesn't think about things like that. oh well, he will learn the hard way. he wants to roll with the big dogs...he will...but he will soon learn the big dogs don't roll, they stroll and he will be the only one rolling. |
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