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2001-10-20 - 1:40 p.m. i had a discussion with one of my friends last night. it wasn't a debate, just me inquiring about her beliefs and ideas. ms. kamilah, oh ms. kamilah, i cannot understand her or people like her. let me explain. one of my friends is in a really bad situation. it just so happens she is a white lady in her mid 30's and cool as hell. she tends to date black guys, but is not closed to the thought of dating another guy, just her preference. well, the guy she is with just happens to be black and is a total asshole. i just found out last night that he beats her and he is a crackhead. did i mention that he lives with her? she is one of those people that just has to have a man in her life, which i cannot understand, but to each his or her own. my friend wants to get out of the relationship, but she is scared....you heard it all before, but there are no kids in this relationship. her dad told her to just come back in with him, but my girl says she loves this guy. i am thinking low self esteem, but we told her she needs to nip that in the bud because she will come home one day and find all her stuff gone or she could be home chilling one day and the police come and get her for just being there. not cool. that's the background info. now, kamilah is over here and i was telling her about my friend and she looked all concerned...until i said she was white. then she said, she has no sympathy for her. i agreed with her on that note....but then i thought, i know kamilah, let me see if she and i are on the same boat. so i asked her if it were a black girl i was talking about, would she feel sympathy.....AND SHE SAID YES! that blew me over because i have never had any real dealings with racism in my life nor have i ever confronted anyone about it. so i break it down to kamilah to make sure that i heard everything right. i mean, really broke it down. i was like, so you're saying if this was a black girl with the exact same situation down to the T, you would feel sorry for the black girl and not the white girl. why? then she said there are all these white girls out there that go after black guys and all them are whores just trying to get all the black men. i was like, whoa, who is this person talking to me? surely not my friend. of course, i asked why does color even play a part in this? she said it always does. then she goes on to tell me how the system was designed to protect white females and they don't give a crap about black females. of course, that sparked a debate because i used to be in law enforcement explorers when i was in high school in a VERY redneck town, but i never encountered any of what she was talking about. i give to the sheriff's department every year because i believe they help the community out a lot. but's that's neither here nor there. i asked kamilah why is she even bringing the system into this conversation, it's not even about that. it's about me not understanding her views on this situation. personally, i would think both women were stupid to be in this situation, but both would need help getting out and i would them anyway possible, you know. i told her women in this society in this day and age have nothing to do with the system so why would you even blame them for something they have no contol of. then i noticed she kept saying 'them' girls. so i asked her why she kept grouping an entire race together. she said, well, that's how most of them are. of course, that sparked something within me, so i had to, pretty much, go off on her for that comment. i told her you can't group everyone together in something like this. that's why black people have had such a hard time as it is in this day and age. i know for a fact that i am not uneducated, dirty, in a gang, killing people and stealing, but there are some out there and i REFUSE to sit there and listen to someone do the exact same thing to someone else. i told her if i did that, i wouldn't be friends with her or my roommate because both of them are black females and some of them...a lot of them can be down right bitches and i have come into contact with more bitchy black girls than nice ones. but the difference is i don't look at color, i just look at the person from within because every person, no matter what color, is a different human being. (my 18 year old cousin was here with her friend and they all agreed with me. they acted like they were in church saying 'amen.') i guess kamilah kinda felt she had been bested or something because she wanted to leave, but i wasn't finished, plus it wasn't an argument, just a discussion that one of her comments sparked. so me, being a TRUE drama queen, i have to end it on a note befitting my personality, which is TRUE diva! i said i just cannot understand that. she said, well, those are my feeling and besides, you asked for my opinion and i gave it to you. i had to correct her. i said, no kamilah, i was just telling you the situation, i didn't ask for you opinion. you just took it to the next level. so she gives me the look like, whatever, as she says, well, that's just how i feel. then i said it, something i have been waiting a long time to tell her in a serious discussion, because usually we are joking. i said, so that's how you feel? well, kamilah, i just want to let you know that if you're serious, you are a racist. if a white person said the exact same thing you said, you would have a fit, but just because you are black and saying it doesn't change a thing. she just looked at me like i had grown another head and was about to deny it, as usual, then she thought better of it and just walked out of the apartment. i am just not understanding her. i mean, really. she used to date a white guy for a long time and we all HATED him. this is what kills me. the majority of all my friends are white and she hangs out with them and even calls them her friends. if this is so, how in the hell can she even call them her friends? i would be offended to no end. i swear, that girl is a hypocrite and a half. she has something to say about everybody, but god forbid someone say something about her. anything that goes wrong in her life is blamed on the fact that she is black. down with the white man, is her motto. that really offends me because, as stated, i have lots of white friends, but i also have white family. i just do not understand that. i was talking to ron last night about the situation and he just shrugged. i was shocked, he always has something to say about something, but he was quiet. i asked him would he ever date a white girl or anything and he FREAKED out saying now. then he was talking about how he looked and saw this white guy with a black girl and he was like, why are you with him! that's something i never knew about him. he talked with his mother about it and she was like people do what they want to do and you can't do anything about it. she didn't get upset about it or anything. ron's mom is half black and half white. ron's dad is black, but his wife, present and past except for ron's mom, are all white. ron has a white step sister and a mixed half sister. i guess it's all in how you were brought up. i know my parent's have always been like, as long as this person makes you happy, that's all we want. i never have understood how other parent's can't be like that. even when my mom thought i might have been gay because of all the gay people i hung out with, she still always said, as long as i makes you happy. i guess i was just raised to be an openminded person and not to 'knock it til you tried it' type person. i guess i thought all my friends were as open minded as myself, but i guess not. i like to play, joke around and make fun of stuff...and people, but i only do it with my friends and i am only joking. i am not into putting others down to build myself up. that's a load of crap. whoever thought that when i was on one of my joking phases with my friends and we were all getting into it that one of them was actually not joking? i mean, i do this with my mom and my friend's moms. like ricky, his mama is the bomb-digity. we went out to eat with her and i said 'ricky said you don't like black people.' she goes, 'it's true, i don't. it's kinda hard being that way, too, because i am black myself.' that's so funny, 'cause she is white. i guess i will never understand racism, ever. i don't think i ever even want to understand it. i just want everyone to except everyone else for who they are and not what color they are. i guess some things are just better left alone. |
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