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Wednesday, Jan. 29, 2003 - 7:33 p.m. i talked on the phone to my cousin shannon for over 2 hours last night. i do not want to see my phone bill next month, i'll tell you that. it's already 'sky high' as it is. oh well, bell south already own part of my life, timewarner got a piece too. i guess at&t can take a hunk out of me as well. i found out i totally screwed something up at work today. well, actually i did it in september. as you all know, i work in accounting. well, i did a journal entry in september of last year. it was supposed to reverse out in october, but didn't reverse it out. that means nothing to the majority of you, so let me put it in terms you can all understand. since i screwed up the entry, we got a 4 million dollar debit and a 2 million dollar credit out from last year. comes down to about a 2 million dollar debit...that screws up our numbers. i took it to finanacial reporting and they did an entry to fix it for this year..but it still messes up the numbers from this year. yeah, go me. i was late to a meeting b/c i was fixing this and now i have to keep track of how much work i get in and how much i do during the day. like i really have time for that. my god, there aren't enough hours in the day for me to do what i have to do already. this would come at month end, of course. and if that don't beat all, my mom calls me after i get out of my meeting to tell me my granddaddy has been taken back to the hospital today. when she told me that, it just took all the air out of my sails. normally, i'm all good at work when i hear news like this, but i opened up to a friend this morning, so i was still kinda emotional/vulnerable and the least little thing made me cry. of course, this wasn't a little thing, so of course i started crying. my mom knows me like the back of her hand, so she started telling me silly stuff about my nephew. it helped me...until i got off the phone. my grandfather is over 80 years old and he had pneumonia a few weeks ago. he's been in and out of the hospial for about a month. i don't know why they just don't keep him until everything is totally alright. well, now he's supposed to be over that, but he's got a urinary tract infection. i don't like hearing stuff about my granddaddy being sick. he's the only grandparent i have left. my other grandfatehr, i didn't go to his funeral. he was my first grandparent i lost and i didn't care much. there's a long story behind that. the next to go was my grandma lottie. that's my living grandfather's wife.(my dad's parents) she was the light of my life. i will never forget when she died. she was sick and bedridden for years, but she was still there. i remember it like it was yesterday. my mom picked me up from law enforcement explorers..we had just done building search and felony/misdemeanor stops. i got in the car and was laughing. i was a senior in high school and it was the first month of school. i saw flowers and asked my mom what they were for. she looked at me and told my mom grandma had died. i don't remember much else. i do know it was on a tuesday evening. i know the funeral was on a friday and i had a game that night.. marching band. i remember my friend jason came w/ me to the funeral. it was the first funeral i had been to since i was a kid. i don't remember the funeral, only that i wanted to touch my grandma's hair one last time. that was the single most tragic moment in my life. nothing compares to that, not even my car accident when i spent 2 weeks in the hospital and 2 weeks in rehab learning to walk again. that's just how bad it tore me up...and i'm crying now just thinking about it and this was back in 1993. so now my granddaddy paul is sick. i pray everything goes alright w/ him. i'm not even going to think about the negative thoughts. just take one day at a time. he's the bomb, you know. and he's got to be strong. i mean, an 80 year old man that beat pneumonia and is still kicking? yeah, he's strong as hell. you know, i never told anyone this ever. the thing i always wanted was...this sounds so cheesy, i don't even know why i'm writing this down. when i finally find the man i want to spend the rest of my life w/, i want him to ask my grandfather and father before he asks me. i know, it probably sounds very archaic, but that's just want i always wanted. those are the two most important men in my life and before another man comes in my life, he's got to be accepted by them. like i said, very cheesy, but it's just a fantasy. i still don't believe i actually put that into words. wow. okay, i better get off here before i start telling all my inner feelings and stuff. this has been a totally emtional stressful day. it's time to bring it to an end. |
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