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Sunday, Jan. 26, 2003 - 2:32 p.m. but back to me. nothing much has happened...that's a lie and you all know. something always happens in my life. don't ask me why, it just does. i went out w/ my friend maher on friday to college hill. well, we bar hopped from there to nyp. i must say, i get so tired being the short one in my group of friends. i literally had to run after maher when we went to nyp. the boy has long ass legs...and i am pretty tall for a girl, you know. i'm 5'9. i hate it when i get called shorty the most. i got your shorty! anyway, nothing much happened. percy came down later and i watched them play foose ball. then got their asses kicked, hehe. then percy beat everyone playing street fighter. i was amazed b/c i have never seen anyone beat the game. yeah, it takes so much to amuse me. i decided not to go to work on friday. i told my boss that on thursday morning. you see, wednesday night it snowed here. it was so cold...below freezing all day long. i was in hell...well, i wished i was b/c at least i wouldn't have had to deal w/ snow. i fell down in the snow. yep, i did. there was no ice and it was like i was meant to fall in that particular place. i slipped on the railroad track, which i do in the rain as well, and my butt fell in this nice mound of snow. it was as if someone knew i was gonna fall in that exact spot and they made it fit my butt perfectly. the funny part was when i tried to get up. if you didn't know this before, know now that you cannot get up on a slippery railroad track. i tried several time to stand up, every attempt making me slide right back where i was. how did i get up then? i crawled off teh tracks to the side walk. fortunately, no one saw me. that was probably the reason i kept slipping. i was trying to rush and get up before anyone saw me. so, b/c of this incident and the frigid air outside, i decided i wasn't coming to work no friday...and i didn't. yesterday was just crazy. my roommate called me right before 2:00p.m. asking could ron come over. i was like what the hell? she said he had come over to her job and was hanging out w/ her and wanted her to call and ask if he could come over. i was like, yeah, but he'd have to wait 20 mintues b/c i needed to take a bath. i forgot i had to wash my hair...i didn't even think about that, but i had to b/c i smelled like smoke from the night before. check this out, i managed to take a shower, wash my hair, dry off and put lotion on one leg before ron got there. he must have literally counted 20 minutes. i don't take long showers either. i was running to the door dressing. i looked so...pitiful. i put my noxema on my face to keep him away for a minute or so. i got him talking, which is not hard for me to do. he told me his mom has cancer...i think it's the bladder. they found a tumor on it. i asked him was it malignant or benign...he didn't know. i told him to let her know i was sending her my prayers. he asked for a hug, i gave him one. he asked for a kiss, i gave him ONE. that was the tame part of the afternoon. then he starts in on how much he needs me and 'please, don't leave me.' where the hell was i supposed to go? his arms were locked around my waist. i couldn't move. so he pulls me on top of him on the bed and starts kissing me. this is when the true tease in me comes out....i stop mid kiss, smile, push off him and say 'i need a drink.' had you seen the look on his boy's face, you would have died laughing. it was classic. i was good. he asked what i needed a drink of and i said water and left the room. i stayed in the kitchen to calm down and get my breath. i walked back to my room calmly and there he stood in a rather...ackward postion trying to hide nothing. i'll spare you all the details of the next few hours. my pager kept going off and my phone kept ringing. i hated it. my roommate even called to 'check up' on us. whatever. i think i reassured him of a lot of things. i didn't know that until later. things started to make sense after i talked to my roommate when she got home. i asked her what they talked about and she said only two things. his mom and me. she felt they he was kinda using the thing w/ his mom to get to me. well, if that was the case, then it worked...but that's a whole different can of worms i'm not gonna get into now. i asked her what he said about me. what she told me totally shocked the hell out of me. now, i talked to ron last week, i think, about my other, um, interactions w/ boys. i'm not dead and i have to get my groove on, you know. i didn't tell him this to be mean, i was asking his advice on a certain situation and that involved me telling him about the other guys. i didn't know it upset him..i didn't know that was what he was mostly thinking about since we last talked...i didn't know that was why he hadn't called me. it made sense then why he didn't just pop over here or call as usual. this is what he said to my roommate. 'i can't believe she was w/ those other guys. i mean, i thought i was special. why would she do something like that to me?' alright, do we see the problem w/ those statements? i didn't do anything to him, i did it for me. i wasn't thinking about him when i did any of that, obviously. and what does he expect me to do, just sit around and wait for him? no, no, no. i wait on no one. so after our little...session yesterday, he feels better. i never really thought about how much control i have over his life and i don't like that. i want to be able to do what i want to do and it affect me and only me. i vowed long ago to never let any one person have so much control over me that it affects my day to day life. i have succeded in that...now ron needs to learn how to do that. if i suggest something, he does it. if i say i want something done or said a certain way, he makes it happen. that's too much responsiblity for me. i ain't nobody's mama. so, last night i went to winston w/ the gay duo and frank to see ricky's brother and hang out. we had fun. i got to see the kids. we watched sorority boys, which was stupid, and played spades later on. the entire way back home, though, all i could think about was ron. i don't like that. not in a romantic sort of way, more like a 'what have i done' type of way. i mean, i had to change my sheets b/c his scent was in my sheets. i shouldn't have to do that. i'm used to guys telling me 'your scent still lingers on the pillow over there and i smell it all the time' or 'you smell so good and your scent is still in that chair.' i shouldn't have to change my sheets to get some other guy's scent out! that felt good to get out b/c i haven't said much to anyone about it. i only said 'ron came by.' that's it. it's actually hard saying anything about ron to any of my friends b/c everyone knows him and most don't like him. that's fine. but if i try to talk to them about him, they just start bitching at me. i guess i can't blame them b/c he has done some really stupid things in the past and he doesn't think about anyone except himself. no matter what happens, it all boils down to how it affects him, even if he isn't the main person something happened to. but he is a good person down deep. you just have to know how to find it...i think i am the only person that knows how to. probably the only person that has actually taken time out to find that special part of him. well, i think i am quite finished w/ talking about ron for a while. i feel cleansed now. that's a good feeling. so, today is super bowl sunday. you wanna know something? i don't even know who is playing. wanna know something else? i don't care who is playing. i may watch it for the commercials, but i don't know. depends on how i feel. i may go down to the bar or something. there are sometimes cute boys that like to watch the game. i'll intrude on their party, haha. just so everyone knows, my music selection for the next week will consist of dmx. yep, that's it. you know why? on friday, bikerboyz comes out. i love bikes, but mostly men on bikes. yep. i can't wait, me and my friend gina are gonna go see that movie. larenz tate is in it, yes! so, in honor of that movie coming out, we have to sport the ruff ryders anthem all week long. yep, peeps, it's all about them bikes. double R, double up! ruff ryders, rode ruff! stop! drop! shut 'em down open up shop! |
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